Film Review: The Farewell (2019)
Written & directed by Lulu Wang
April 16, 2020
Cultural assimilation compels people to discover and define two, distinct poles of the human condition: who you are and who you are expected to be. There is a constant battle between the two, especially as this process comes with a behavioral tendency to lie, to both yourself and your loved ones, as a means of protection. But when (if ever) does lying become unethical?
This is the heart of Lulu Wang’s stirring and clever film, The Farewell. “Based on an actual lie,” it explores the many facets of duality— of cultural and emotional clashes, and of the struggle between individualism and family. The real-life lie that sits at the center of the film was first described by the writer-director herself in a 2016 episode of This American Life and much of the film’s plot is lent from Wang and her relatives’ own experience with—or perhaps, expertise in— lying (the film’s title is Don’t Tell Her in Mandarin).
The saying goes, “Every family has secrets,” but The Farewell offers a whole new meaning to the phrase. The secret here is that the family matriarch, Nai Nai (Zhao Shuzhen), is diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and given only months to live. Everyone but Nai Nai knows of the diagnosis, including her Americanized granddaughter, Billi (Awkwafina, Crazy Rich Asians), and, despite her parents’ pleas to stay in New York while they return home, she arrives at her grandmother’s apartment in Changchun, China days later. To the rest of her family, Billi’s visit is conditional, as the presumed purpose of everyone’s trip is her cousin’s impromptu wedding. In actuality, the wedding is a cover-up for a farewell party of sorts; it is a chance for the family to reconnect with each other after 25 years away from home, in order to pay their respects to a dying loved one.
What follows is a constant culture clash, a look into the complexities of family dynamics, and some wedding planning. Throughout its entirety, Nai Nai is lively and warm, juxtaposing other members of the family who epitomize anxiety and caution. “Chinese people have a saying. When people get cancer, they die. It’s not the cancer that kills them, it’s the fear,” says Billi’s mother (Diana Lin). This fear slowly affects each character—everyone except Nai Nai— because, “In the East, a person’s life is part of a whole. Family. Society,” and it is no coincidence that this particular family must return home, to the East, in order for this concept to truly come to life.
In this story, there is no right or perfect way to express (or suppress) the love you have for your family. With Wang’s direction, it’s clear that everyone’s perspective matters here. This can be seen in carefully crafted scenes where the actors skillfully express their unspoken feelings. It is evident as Hao Hao (Han Chen) refrains from crying at the dinner table following a tender exchange with his grandmother who he hasn’t seen in years, it plays out during a conversation between Billi’s mother and Little Nai Nai (Hong Lu) at the wedding that reveals just how much people sacrifice for family, and it can be seen as Billi’s uncle (Yongbo Jiang) gives a spontaneous, heart-wrenching tribute to his mother at the wedding.
Without overwhelming viewers, Wang expertly balances hardships and humor, highlighting the intricacies of humanity by finding joy in some of life’s darkest moments. With an ensemble cast, the story unfolds beautifully and transcends beyond any tired clichés or cultural stereotypes expected of a family comedy film.
Before Billi returns to New York, Nai Nai tells her, “Where your thoughts go, your body follows,” as the film confronts us with the complexities of family life and values, of what it means to be human and to care for others. Rooted in a compelling personal narrative and cultural particularity, The Farewell succeeds in its ability to be universally resonant and accessible, leaving viewers with a sheer sense of familiarity and catharsis.